Rats: Legally Blind Mice
ISBN 978-0692304877

Excerpts from Rats: Legally Blind Mice

Page 3 of 3

“We’ll pull you out of misery, drink and be merry as usual. Let’s go!” exclaimed the all-female staff, as they grabbed the rodents’ arms.

The trio blasted, “Take your hands off us! You’re fired. You are all fired. Before you leave, you’re not really lovely. You are ugly and you all look like bats!!”

The staff walked out yelling, “Liars, liars, liars! If we look like bats, you three look like warthogs and smell like skunks!”

Liars! Liars! Liars! You can't fire us, we quit!

“I don’t want you to be talking at the same time,” hollered the judge.

“But there are three of us,” said the first.

“I know that, I’m not blind. Only one of you can speak.”

“But we have equal shares in our law corporation.”

“Are you jokers? Are you even lawyers?” screamed the judge.

“Well, we three passed the Bar exams without cheating…licensed to practice, Miss…”

“Miss?” barked the judge. “I’m married to Atty. Bull, a high politician. How dare you remind me of my husband. He’s a cheat…a nincompoop…a taker…I hate him, oh, how I hate him…a full blown traitor…a hooker addict…a liar…deserves his name…”

I can't miss this court drama

Turning to the guard, she shouted, “Arrest these three clowns! They disgrace the rodent legal profession! Do with them as you want.”

“My pleasure,” responded the guard as he quickly pulled out handcuffs, unzipped his coat and revealed a gun.

Back to the audience, the judge yelled, “Don’t watch me like I’m a confirmed idiot. I could read your blank minds. I know what I’m doing. These lawyers are just a bunch of quacks!”

The audience gasped.

“In my court, I can make the law, I cook the law—boiled, fried, grilled…anyway I want…I can order you all to be broiled rodents!”

The audience grabbed their bags and bolted out in horror.

“How did I do? How did I do?” the judge asked her clerk.

“You missed soy, ketchup, kimchee and that bagoong.”

And the courtroom was locked till further notice.

The rodent judge polished her teeth and said, “The tallest rodent repeatedly winked at me, didn’t you see?”

“He winked once, judge. Your eyes are so crossed, you always see multiples, and his eyes had spasms.”

“Let’s talk about my spell that rodent couldn’t resist.”

“What a selfish arrogant toad,” murmured the clerk. “Look at her make a spectacle of herself.”

The judge gripped her toga. “The chemistry is there, positive! I think I’m in love…I’m in love…I’m in
love...oh, what a feeling, I’m in la-a-a-ab…”

A dingbat in high place

“Politics is ultimate power,” said the second.

“We’ll abandon law practice to be full time politicians,” added the third.

“Ingenious thinking. We could then appoint ourselves to the highest positions,” exclaimed the trio.
“And our generosity will extend to our wives and mistresses,” they said.

“Politics, wait for us!”

Mark my word, the judge fell for you

“No, no…I’m bad, bad, bad,” cried out the cab driver in guilt. And he stretched his long arms to the guards. “Here, go ahead and handcuff me.”

“Don’t be silly, things happen even to the invincible. Here’s your twenty percent tip.”

“Call the garbage disposal,” the guard chief ordered. “The area must be cleared and disinfected before vultures descend.”

All parted with a sneer, leaving the carcasses of the four rodents on the pavement.

Vultures can't wait

In the mausoleum lives the ghost of romance, hate, love, lust, power, goodness, corruption, idiocy, supreme evil, greed, loyalty, betrayal, civility in the world of rodents.

Rodents agree or disagree, many fearful to say.

That ghost, with many faces, roams the island, felt and unseen, known and unknown—as the wind makes a howling sound.

And on the tombstones of the four rodents: “Your cunning achievements live beyond your dust. Except
your flesh and bones, you’re completely uncorrupted.”

“A lovely message,” exclaim visitors in awe. “It wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t true.”

Then they add, “Wish there was something to spare us from their horrible odor.”

In the background, someone speaks: “A crazy weirdo often said, odor as in fragrance, has its own history—it stays in noses—even when rodents conquer the planets.”

“Who spoke?”

In memoriam - Rats entombed within

(Melody similar to the Star Spangled Banner)

Hey there, do you see
By the burrows’ trickling lights
What elites proudly hail
As their gods-given rights

Bow to them as you pass
That’s the rule or be gassed
Raise your hands, question not
Rodent laws have no but.

What they say must be true
For their mansions must grow
While to them we are bowing
They each do all the vowing

Rockets and rackets do glare
And rat balloons leak in air
This so proves through the night
Rat elites are still there

Oh, yeah, can you really see
What the rat land is bound to be
Flags of rats still highly fly
For the elites could never lie.


To order Rats (Legally Blind Mice) from Amazon.com:

Buy on Amazon.com

Quality paperback edition ISBN 978-0-692-30487-7